A day in the life.....

Today was on odd day. No different than any other day really, but for some reason it was a sad day for me. It happens sometimes, when I suddenly am overcome by these waves of sadness, and really don't know why. I was missing my husband that is for sure. He is gone (working) Monday thru Friday and all day Sunday.  He is the hardest working man I know.  He works so hard, so that I don't have to. He works to provide for his family, for his children, and I love him more than anything else in the world.  But it is hard for us when he is gone. See, I talked about my son the other day, but what I didn't tell you is that he has a twin sister Shea!  They are the joy of our lives.  I am so lucky to have a husband that works as hard as mine does so that I can stay home and raise our babies. I shouldn't complain about missing him; everyone makes sacrifices, and being apart is ours. A lot of people have it way worse than we do.   It's a hard job to raise these two babies alone.  Sometimes I get scared, lonely, worried, anxious.  It's a big responsibility.  But I'm ready . We can do this.  Again, that is why I started this blog.   To talk about when I'm sad. To get it out.  To work out all these feelings.  Yes....I was sad today....but i feel better now and I know that this is the best life a girl could ask for.

Here goes nothing...

So here I am, going over all the thoughts in my head and finding not a soul to really share any of them with.  Sometimes it is so strange to me, to be surrounded by so many people and yet feel so alone much of the time. I guess this is why I started this thing right?  Tonight, my son Liam is having a hard time.  He is 9 months and has always been an amazing sleeper.  Not just that, but an amazing baby.  So good, no fussing, laid back, easy going.  But lately there has been changes in him, and while I know they are normal changes caused from teething, gas, and separation anxiety, it still makes me feel helpless.  I want to be able to help him feel safe, secure, and ease all his pains the second he cries out.  It is an awful feeling knowing that I can't. 

Today a friend lost their baby.  Perhaps that is why I am so sensitive to Liam's needs tonight.  She was over 6 months pregnant and they couldn't find the heartbeat.  What an absolute horrible feeling. I'm crying now just writing about it. I couldn't imagine anything harder for a woman to do, than give birth to her dead baby.  His name is Salvatore.  They held him in their arms.  I don't even have words to describe how awful I feel about it.  My husband says that he loves how I feel so much....that it hurts me so much.  But to me it's too much sometimes. It's like I can actually feel the pain.  I can feel what she must be going through and it tears me apart.  I do this a lot.  I become the person who is hurting and I feel the pain.  I used to think it is because I am sensitive, but sometimes I think there is something wrong with me.  Is it rational to have such reactions?  Why do I get so attached to a pain that isn't mine? 

My first entry

I've always thought about starting a blog. Seems to be a great way to get out all my thoughts in a way that I know how without any judgement or criticism.  Or comments in general.  I usually have a lot to say and sometimes it takes me a while to get to my point and  many times I am interrupted or made fun of before I make my point, so here goes nothing!!! 

I am writing for myself, but if anyone else happens to come upon this blog and starts to read, I hope I keep you entertained and  thank you for taking the time to listen to all of my crazy, complicated thoughts!!